It’s the end of the school year and I’m burnt out, overwhelmed, tired, and emotionally exhausted. This school year has been so hard. When I walked into class on the first day of school, I was excited for my husband to come home, excited to build a life in Ridgway, and excited to learn how to teach. When I walked into class on the second day of school, I was exhausted, sad, heartbroken, confused, and unsure of what would happen next. Being single again, suddenly, was not how I’d expected to start the year.
I hiked my way to sanity in the fall, perhaps at the expense of really learning to teach although I think teaching was the only job that I could have made myself really show up for each day. My students made me laugh when all I wanted to do (if I couldn’t be on the trail) was go home, crawl in bed, cuddle Sprocket and cry.
As winter set in, I didn’t do a very good job of getting outside. I didn’t do a good job of exercising. In fact, a lot of the time, I didn’t do a very good job of feeding myself. It meant long gaps with nothing to blog about because how many times could I tell the story of how I spent my weekend watching bad TV in bed working on a quilt because anything else just sounded like too much. I didn’t want to write about how I fretted about how my one year teaching contract ending and where I was going to be for the 2015-2016 school year.
And ultimately, I was just sad. A lot. I was also angry: a little bit at my ex and a lot at myself.
I’d written back in January about being so hopeful for 2015, proclaiming #thenightisdarkandfullofsparkles to be my mantra. It’s still true: the night is still continuing a bit, even if the dark of winter is fading (and hopefully the metaphorical dark is fading too). But you know what? It’s still full of sparkles. And I’m ready to start bringing the light.
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”
–Martin Luther King, Jr.
Plus, in just over two weeks, it’s summer. My calendar is filling up with awesome fun events—many of which involve hiking and being outside. There are lots of things I have planned with just Sprocket and I but a lot where I get to meet up with some awesome people. I’m not going to be in Ridgway next year and that breaks my heart. But. I do have another teaching job lined up here in Western Colorado and I’ll just keep moving forward.
(I wrote this post during lunch. And then I realized there was no time like the present to start bringing the light so I took myself, and Sprocket, out for a hike after school. It was the best.)